I went to bed angry last night. My husband heard me crying in my sleep in the middle of the night and woke me from a bad dream that I was having. This morning I woke up feeling: angry, sad, calm, content and unsettled at the same time, irritated, and kind of happy. I guess there are two ways to look at that. Positive: I woke up connected to my feelings and open to them. Negative: I woke up a disaster of emotions. Or maybe there’s a third option… Maybe it’s some of both the positive and the negative. Regardless, I was not in the greatest place mentally with the different emotions hitting me. Pretty quickly my thoughts went to, ” I want to go write a blog post.” Which followed with, “What do I want to write about?” And the whirlwind continued. I wanted to write about the things that make me angry. Then I thought that I wanted to write about the things that make me sad… hurt… happy… content… Did I mention I woke up a disaster of emotions? My head was spinning, my thoughts were all over the place, and I started to feel stressed about something that I was really looking forward to and thought would be a great release for me.
I sat down at my computer, stared at my laptop screen and took a deep breath. I started to feel a little more settled and the thought that came to me was: What do I want to remember about today? Which instantly started to erase a lot of the negativity I had woken up with. Because, that is how I live my life… What do I want to remember about today? What do I want to take with me when I leave this world? What do I want the people I love to think and most importantly, feel, when they think of me? When I lie my head on my pillow tonight, am I okay with the things I did today? Those thoughts, those questions, are how I live my life. They are the better part of what makes me who I am. I don’t have control over anyone else. Their thoughts and emotions and subsequent actions are their own. Whether they are good and amazing, or mean and hurtful, is not my choice. What I do have control over is me. I can’t control everything I think or feel. None of us can. But I can absolutely control what I do with those feelings and thoughts. And usually I choose to do what will make me feel good about myself. Not only does it make me happy and a better person, it is what is right for the people around me that I love with everything I am. Other times, I fail. I get angry. I react. I get self focused and don’t care how it affects the people I love. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. And it sucks! It sucks for them and it’s terrible for me because the bottom line is: negativity brings about more negativity. And feeling badly about yourself is only going to bring about more negativity. It’s a viscous cycle. So today, I will do what makes me feel good about me. I will do what is right for the people I love. And, when I go to bed tonight, one of the things I will remember about today is: I did good. And that’s a fantastic thing!
I will finish this post with one of my favorite sayings. It’s short and direct but powerful. If we would all follow it’s direction, this world would be a much better place.
When you’re out there in the world today:
“Do good, shut up, and go home.”
*See my next blog post for my thoughts on this saying. 🙂 -Coming Soon