Reality

I wondered when I started this blog how much of myself I would share. Like everyone else, I have many different facets. And, although I truly believe that this life is beautiful and amazing and every moment is a gift from God, I also know how completely screwed up this life can be and how difficult it is not to scream and throw things and have a nervous breakdown at times. (LOL) I’m not really kidding. I would love to scream and throw things right now. It really all comes down to perspective though, which I wrote about in a previous blog post. And, I get it. I truly do. With perspective we can keep our feet on the ground, see the good, be patient and loving, and do what is right for ourselves and the people we love. But… there are times… when it all seems like it’s just too much… and you’re angry… and you want to tell perspective to kiss your #*!&*. It’s not that you don’t ‘see’ what’s right and what’s good. Deep down we always know. So when is it okay to say screw it, I’m angry and that’s how I am going to be. It’s never fair to the people around us who love us. Especially if they didn’t do anything to us. But maybe they did. Does that make it right, then? No. Sometimes I wish it did. I was only partially kidding about the desire to throw flaming arrows at people. (Mentioned in a previous post). (I can’t write about the flaming arrows without touching on the fact that a long conversation ensued after my daughter read that comment. Apparently wanting to throw arrows at people is okay but flaming arrows is a line crosser. After a lot of conversation and several points being exchanged, I have come to my daughter’s side of things and agree that the flaming arrow is a little too extreme. So, non-fiery arrows it is.) But in all seriousness, anger doesn’t solve anything if we hold onto it. And unfortunately throwing arrows, fiery or not, doesn’t count as not holding onto our anger. We have to use it in a productive way to make change. And that is what I usually do with my anger. I use it to make change. To make things better so that I don’t have to go to that same place ever again. Or at least know that I did what I could not to go to that same place again. It’s not easy sometimes but it is the right thing to do. It’s productive and good, and at the end of the day, I feel good about myself. I did what was right for me and the people I love. So, now I should start letting go of the anger I’m dealing with and work on making change. That is what I hoped would come from writing this post. Perspective. A desire to use my anger to make change. It didn’t work. I know it will. I will come around. But for now, I’m sticking with the arrows and honestly, I’m sorry Ryver (my daughter that I had the discussion with), the flaming ones are looking really good. 😉

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